Recently I have been going through some rough times at the church. I was beginning to doubt that I was the man for the job as Pastor to this church. Finances were not looking good this month and I was about ready to start crying in my root beer. I guess my biggest fear was that I was possibly failing God and the trust that he put in me. That is a lonely feeling. I had began to think that I had lost my "MOJO" to quote Austin Powers (how many pastors use him as a quote?).
I had a bad day today and was thinking that I was off to a bad Wednesday night till God showed up and showed out! We started off late with dinner and we did not even get started till 10 minutes late for the service. We had prayer request come up and God just started using our prayer request to fuel our faith. I thought we had had church way before we ever started a message.
The Lord gave me message out of Jer 23:13-29 He was talking about false prophets and how they had not spoken Gods word, what hit me was one verse said they had not been in his presence or his council, if they had they would be speaking words that gave life, (paraphrased) Then he sent me to Luke 18 dealing witht the widow that constantly bugged the judge and she finally got what she sought after. We have to keep going after what we want. God never promised anything to be easy, just his company
What the Lords showed me was that although we go through many up's and down's like the picture of the mountains, we have to keep going and we have to keep seeking out God. We as pastors are not immune from stupid thinking! As a matter of fact sometimes we have a lot more of that than people think. We sometimes feel alone and that we have no one to talk to. God wanted me to see tonight it is up to him to bring the increase not me! It is only up to me to bring me, not the increase.
I don't know if any of you have ever felt like a fake or not but I will tell you that I have felt like a fake, thinking that the people will eventually see through me soon enough, till I finally figured it out if you remain transparent they will see through you, but as a man of God they will see Jesus through you.
If you are ever in a place of trying to find yourself and trying to find out what God wants of you just remember all he wants of you is ALL of You and nothing less. He wants the brokeness, the nakedness, and the willingness to continue to serve him.
Blessings
2 comments:
My friend, "fake" is one of the last words I would ever use to describe you. Feeling inadequate but knowing you have to step up is not fake...it is simply "knowing you have to step up" and it is taking a step of faith. Seeing the things you have to step up and do and knowing how you feel on the inside about some of those things sometimes makes me laugh (I'm sorry...I guess that's mean). But the word "fake" has never crossed my mind. You love on the people God puts in your path and you are the REAL DEAL! Keep at it and keep sharing what you're learning. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's encouraging and sometimes it's convicting.
Thanks for sharing your heart. It is always good to see pure honesty from people. Although, I am like Rob, "fake" isn't a word I would ever use with you. I would use real, loving, compassionate, hard working and too hard on yourself. It is so nice to know that sometimes other people feel the same way I do. It is very encouraging to know that I am not some "weird" Christian. :) Daniel and I are so proud of what you are doing. I can't wait to come down and see you in action; as well as seeing all God is doing through you. We are working on a date now. We talked about it on Monday, trying to coordinate our schedules! He will probably get to come down one more time before we come down as a family. Wahoo! Love you and keep up the good work!
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